Responding vs. Reacting

While these words may be similar in semantics, the difference between responding and reacting in stressful situations can be profound and have a decisive impact on your overall health and relationships. But first things first, what is stress?

Stress can be defined as any internal (ex. negative thoughts, beliefs, emotions...) or external (ex. food, medication, noise, accident...) stimulus that creates a biological response and that can disrupt the natural balance of our body is known as stress. The challenge can be the stressor itself, and the way we respond or react to stress, which can cause physiological, emotional, and/or mental imbalances.

1. About the brain 

When it comes to the stress topic, there are two fundamental brain functions to be aware of: our brain mission is 1. to keep us safe (from danger, threat, death), and 2. to optimize the distribution and allocation of our energy and resources (which literally means that our brain is lazy, loves habit and can lead us to jump to conclusions with little to no consideration of consequences). Our subconscious mind is responsible for 95% of our overall brain activity. And you thought you had control over your life? ;) I know, crazy.

Assume that you meet someone for the first time, let's call him Richard (why not). Your brain will gather visual and sensory impressions of Richard's demeanor, appearance, expressions, mimics... The next time that you meet Richard, you will probably already have an idea of how Richard leads a conversation, you might expect certain reactions as your mind tries to simplify, create patterns and assumptions, to optimize its resources.

The same way with reactions.

2. Reactions

Reactions stem from the subconscious mind (in our reptilian brain), which means that there is no filter when you react to a situation, there is no prior thinking before answering, nor analysis, evaluation, or tempering.

Literally, a "re-action" is a "re"-peated "action". 

It implies that your mind (= brain in action, involving your whole body, cells, beliefs, emotions...) has memorized a snapshot of you at a certain time or event, which creates this action. When triggered by a heated argument with your lover, a stupid comment from your uncle (again) or another nasty mail from your colleague, your brain doesn't even have the time to think that you have already reacted. (It doesn't have to be all bad though, a reaction can be a big hearty laugh too.)

This is an automatic and impulsive mechanism. According to the situation and the environment, you might end up regretting your words or actions, which can cause guilt, shame, frustration, and increase emotional stress in your body (--> vicious circle)

3. Responses 

Responses are more thoughtful ways of responding to a situation. When you respond, you take a break to assimilate the information, turn it around in your mind to evaluate your possibilities to reply according to the factors to take into consideration such as people's feelings, the environment (i.e home, work), and the potential consequences.

Take that break. 

When you feel triggered, call it how you like it, but take that break, add that layer of mindfulness or create some space. It can help you to sustain healthy relationships in all kinds of situations.

The way you respond or react to a situation can make the difference between strengthening or damaging a relationship, encouraging yourself to find more peace, or deteriorating your health with stress chemicals.

When you take that pause, breathe deeply before your answer, you give yourself the chance to train your brain to make better decisions. You will find out, if not already, that it is always better to take the time to answer that unpleasant text when you are not in reaction mode.

This way, you support yourself, your health, and the ones around you more than you can imagine.

Take that break, and take care.