Yesterday I watched a romantic comedy from the nineties on Netflix called “Picture Perfect” (spoiler alert!) Pretty bad, yet quite refreshing, the movie presented how personal and professional boundaries mingle in a work environment dominated by status and image. Jenifer Aniston, an ingenious director of creation in an advertising agency. With the help of her colleague and friend, she builds up a story about a fiancé playing the rules of status, and gets officially recognized for her work only when she “dresses for the work she would like to have”.

Status, social media, a real knock on our self-esteem

Status and image prevail! This way of thinking and behaving seemed to me to be completely outdated. But when I have a look at our social media consumption, how people are absorbed by other people’s stories and shiny moments, how it leads to disconnection with ourselves, disengagement with others, I am not so sure anymore.

In his book, Dr Chatterjee mentions a study realised by Professor Mitch Prinstein from the University of North California:

“Another problem with online communities is that they change the way we get our sense of self-esteem. Everyone’s feelings of worth are tied, in part to their sense of status. We all desire status (…) Facebook or Instagram “likes” focus on popularity, which encourages narcissistic, me-focused behaviour. This is a stress on the body, quite literally. If you feel disappointed when a post you make doesn’t gain any traction, that’s a form of rejection (…). It’s information, to your brain and body, that you’re not bonding with your tribe, which will flip you in a stress mode.”

Likes and comments are no substitute for hugs and conversations, validation and recognition through status and social media can gradually lead to loss of self-confidence, and have concerning consequences on our health and overall well-being.

How we experience modern stress

People don’t experience the same stress as we did thousands, hundreds, or even fifty years ago.

Yet we have the same similar inbuilt-survival mechanism as cavemen: when fearing for their lives facing a lion, their amygdala located in the lower part of the brain would send an alert to the nervous system to gather all the strength, hormones, nutrients, and fluids to the vital organs and shut down the rest. Hormone release (cortisol and adrenaline) gives then the necessary boost to be on high alert, activates blood pressure, ready to “fight” or “flight”.

Today, when we fear we are not facing a lion. It can be a difficult conversation, a heated up email, a bad comment on social media, feeling not having enough time, not being able to make a decision, disease, financial issues that activate what we call “the stress response.” When we are facing those situations, our body believes we are under-attack, and sends out the same signals to the body as our beloved ancestors.

How can we define modern stress?

We all know stress somehow, but we don’t know what it means, emotionally, energetically, physically and how to cope with it. We are the most adaptable species and yet we are completely disconnected from ourselves and our environment.

My understanding of modern stress is a nomination that encompasses our cultural and societal pressure and expectations together with our beliefs from our education and upbringing. Here are elements that can tremendously impact our stress levels:

• our definition of success that pushes us to go always higher, faster, stronger,

• how social media can affect our self-confidence or the perception of ourselves,

• how we feel that we “have to”, or “should” in the quest for perfection

• Trying to reach an ideal that is disconnected from who we really are but based on assumptions (cultural, societal…) of what should be.

• It can be as well the mental load of a woman juggling between working, and feeling responsible for her family’s well-being, taking care of the house and the children, and managing 100 things at a time.

• how we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or not good enough because we simply have too much on our plate.

From our mind and due to how we perceive the world through our senses, experiences and thoughts, we can create and experience hundreds of stressors in one single day if we don’t learn how to stop, breathe and respond, rather than react. to the extent that we can create our own diseases and discomfort, up to chronic stress If we don’t address those challenges In time.

The influence of external elements on our life is significant. But if we can change the way we respond to those factors, if we can be more in-tune with who we are and what we need to navigate this world, we might be then more open to helping one another and contribute, embrace our vulnerabilities and accept, be more tolerant towards the people around us.