Like an invisible weight that we carry with us everywhere we go, stress can be a heavy burden on our minds and bodies. We often think of stress as something external - the pressure of work, financial worries, or challenging relationships - but we overlook the internal causes of stress that we inflict upon ourselves. These hidden stressors arise from our own thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors, and can have a profound impact on our health and happiness.

Picture a garden, flourishing with vibrant blooms and lush greenery. But just beneath the surface lies a tangle of roots and weeds that threaten to choke the life out of the garden. Similarly, the causes of self-inflicted stress can be hidden beneath the surface of our daily lives, growing and spreading until they threaten to overwhelm us.

But the good news is that we have the power to cultivate a more peaceful and fulfilling life. By becoming more self-aware of our own stress levels and triggers, we can uproot the weeds that threaten our well-being and nourish the soil of our minds with positive thoughts and behaviors.

In this article, I will share clients’ experiences and explore the hidden causes and health impacts of mental stress, shining a light on the tangled roots of self-inflicted stress. As well, I would like to share with you a self-reflection exercise and other stress management strategies that can help you to feel more balanced and at ease within yourself.

How We Cause Mental Stress to Ourselves

Let me tell you a story. I had a client who was a high achiever and always felt like she needed to be doing something productive. She would work long hours, skip meals, and neglect her hobbies and relationships because she thought they were a waste of time. She had a hard time saying no to people, and as a result, her calendar was always overbooked, leaving her feeling exhausted and unfulfilled.

As we delved deeper, we discovered that her need for constant productivity was a way to cope with her fear of failure and rejection. She felt like she needed to prove herself to others constantly, and she didn't want to disappoint anyone. Her self-worth was tied to her accomplishments, which left her feeling like she could never do enough.

This mentality is prevalent in our society, where we are encouraged to be productive and efficient at all times. We often measure our worth by our achievements, comparing ourselves to others who seem to be doing more or better. This constant pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and stress.

Moreover, the rise of technology and social media has enabled us to be constantly connected to work, making it challenging to switch off, and easier to disconnect from ourselves by consuming short videos tricking us into thinking that this influencer has the life we want to have. This constant stimulation can be overwhelming, leading to burnout and exhaustion.

It's essential to recognize that mental stress can be self-inflicted and to take steps to manage it. We need to learn to prioritize our mental health by setting realistic expectations, saying no to things that don't serve us, and making time for self-care activities that bring us joy and fulfillment.

The Impacts of Mental Stress on Our Daily Lives and Health

Mental stress doesn't just affect our emotional state; it can also have significant impacts on our physical health and daily lives. Let me tell you about one of my clients who experienced the effects of mental stress firsthand.

It was approximately nine months ago. She was working in a very demanding job in marketing, in a company experiencing redundancies. To keep on being “relevant” to the company, she worked very hard to meet the constant demands of her job, be a step ahead, working long hours, to stay at the top of her game.

She was also aware that she tended to be a perfectionist who would often overthink and worry about things, even when they were outside her control. She ignored the warning signs of stress, such as difficulty sleeping and frequent headaches. To compensate, she had what she called a “strict” routine of workout, meditation, journaling, until everything felt too much and stress started to branch out. She then started to feel helpless, not having her life in control, and isolated herself.

The vicious circle can come very quick when we don’t take the time to pause and rest.

Studies have shown that chronic stress can have a negative impact on our health, leading to conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression. When you don’t grant yourself the time to rest or work on the root causes of your stress, it can affect your immune system, making you more susceptible to illnesses and infections. Moreover, mental stress can impair your cognitive abilities, affecting your memory, attention, and decision-making skills.

Additionally, mental stress can affect our relationships with others, making us more irritable, impatient, and less empathetic. It can also impact our ability to enjoy life, leaving us feeling unmotivated and unfulfilled.

Becoming More Self-Aware of Our Stress

The good news is that there are steps we can take to manage our mental stress and reduce its impact on our lives. Techniques such as mindfulness meditation, physical exercise, and cognitive-behavioral therapy have been proven to be effective in reducing stress levels and improving mental health.

It's important to remember that when you're dealing with chronic stress, taking time to rest and recharge is crucial. Rather than adding self-care to your already lengthy to-do list, prioritize it as a non-negotiable aspect of your daily routine. This means giving your body and mind the break they need before taking on additional activities. And yes, doing nothing is part of self-care too. Self-care isn't just another task to check off your list; it's a vital part of maintaining your mental and physical health. So don't be afraid to ask for help or guidance if you're not sure where to start.

Practicing Self-Reflection

Sometimes, the simplest exercises are the most effective, especially when we tend to overcomplicate things. The key is in the questions we ask ourselves and the state of mind we're in.

One powerful way to become more self-aware of our stress is through self-reflection. This involves taking time to reflect on our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to stress, which can help us identify patterns, triggers, and underlying causes of stress that we may not have been aware of before.

To get started with self-reflection, I recommend setting aside some time each day to reflect on your stress levels and how you're feeling. You can keep a weekly journal, use an Excel sheet, or find another method that works for you. Meditation can also be helpful in facilitating self-reflection if it is already part of your practice.

First, allow yourself to take a few minutes to slow down, taking long, slow, deep breaths. taking a few minutes to sit quietly and focus on your thoughts and emotions. By regularly engaging in self-reflection, you can gain greater insight into your stress levels and learn how to better manage them.

Here are some questions to guide you:

• What am I feeling right now? (e.g., anxious, stressed, overwhelmed)

• What thoughts or beliefs contributed to my stress this week? (e.g., negative self-talk, worries about the future)

• What behaviors or habits are contributing to my stress? (e.g., overcommitting, lack of exercise)

• What situations or circumstances tend to trigger stress for me? (e.g., certain people, situations, or events)

• How did I respond to stress this week? Was this response helpful or harmful? (you can pick a particular situation)

• Are there any changes I can make to my lifestyle or thought patterns that could help me better manage my stress? What could I try next week?

Remember, self-reflection is an ongoing process, and it may take time to identify and address the underlying causes of your stress. But with practice and dedication, it can be a powerful tool in helping you take control of your mental and emotional well-being.

5 Other Strategies for Stress Management

In addition to self-reflection, there are many other strategies that can help you manage your stress. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Practice mindfulness meditation: Mindfulness meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, and learn to manage them more effectively. Start with just a few minutes a day and gradually increase your practice over time.

• Exercise regularly: Exercise is a powerful stress reducer and can also help improve your mood and energy levels. When you exercise, you release endorphins, which are natural chemicals in the brain that can help reduce stress and improve mood. Exercise can also help you regulate cortisol levels, which is a hormone that is released during times of stress. By regularly exercising, you can help regulate your cortisol levels and reduce the negative impacts of stress on your body and mind. Aim for at least 20-30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week. Let it be a brisk walk outside, a short and sweet yoga session.

• Prioritize self-care: Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you recharge, such as reading, spending time with loved ones, or taking a relaxing bath.

• Set healthy boundaries: Learning to say no and setting boundaries can help you manage your workload and avoid overcommitting, which can contribute to stress.

• Seek support: Don't be afraid to reach out to friends, family, a therapist or book a free call with me if you need support managing your stress.

For many years, I was a victim of my own thoughts, trapped in the endless chatter of my monkey mind. I found myself constantly feeling stressed, restless, and unable to manage difficult situations or gain perspective. The constant state of fight or flight had worn down my nervous system, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope. But I refused to be defeated by my own stress. I committed myself to the hard work of finding balance and regaining control of my mind and body. It wasn't easy, and it certainly wasn't a quick fix. It took time, dedication, and a lot of practice. But I can say with certainty that it was worth it.

If you're struggling with self-inflicted stress, you're not alone. It is just that people don’t speak about it, but it’s coming. It's a journey that takes time and patience, and it is not easy! You will try many different tools and techniques and you will find the ones that work for you. The most important is to learn to listen to yourself. 

With love,

Johanna